lazypacific:

oh, i’m sorry, is my skirt too short for you?

well, that sucks cause your dick is too short for me.

(Source: farenheits, via acomas)

unpresentable:

when you want to transfer your photos from your phone to laptop and you see all the selfies you made….

image

(via trust)

sherlockbringthejam:

kittenskaboodles:

ianthe:

headup-billybuddy:

the-future-mrs-solo:

whatheballs:

shavingryansprivates:

i hate the phrase “life is short” because life is literally the longest thing that any of us will ever experience

unless you experience my penis

I just choked on my food.

that’s not the only thing you’ll choke on

image

Don’t they usually put choking hazard warnings on really small things?

image

(via trust)

beyoncescock:

"whats your sexuality?" "money"

(via saarahraani)

theanti90smovement:

very small dog? puppy

very big dog? puppy

very young dog? puppy

very old dog? puppy

puppy? puppy

(via saarahraani)

awkwardvagina:

so me and my dad are watching a documentary about a man that killed his children and the presenter turned to the camera and said ‘how could anyone ever think about killing their child’ and my dad sat there looking straight at the tv and said ‘trust me its not difficult’ he then looked at me and sighed

(Source: awkwardvagina, via saarahraani)